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The favors always start off to be simple, but she always manages to ask more of me once she has me in the situation. Thank you for your article.

I have been pre-occupied all morning by a strange request from an acquaintance. Via FB message, she buttered me up with insincere and inaccurate!

It just rubbed me the wrong way. I printed off your page and went through your steps one-by-one and did an analysis of the situation.

It worked! Now I can let it go and do my work. Yay for healthy boundaries! All of your comments are useful and as a person that used to give assistance all the time, supporting all my family members and friends, I have had to learn to say no.

I went through several very stressful situations in quick succession, including almost loosing my life. These people whom I considered close relationships were unsupportive and did not recognise that their behaviour was selfish to meet their own needs, they lied in order to obtain the support they wanted.

Relationships have to be give and take not take take take and NO….. One of these guys recently asked the both of us to do a pretty heavy favor to help his parents build a deck out at their cabin.

You have every right to pass on this request. My cousin is 3 years older than I, we grew up together but have not really spoken in 10 years.

He is now very wealthy. His company specializes in internet marketing, something I really want to learn. I need to call him and ask if he would let me intern for free, hopefully leading towards paid employment.

There has always been a bit of tension between this cousin and I. I have had favors rejected in the past over 10 years ago. It is disconcerting to be asking someone far more powerful than yourself for a favor even if they are family.

But I really want him to say yes. I understand how you feel, but I think asking him in a straight forward way as you just explained here is totally fine.

I hope it works out! It makes me uncomfortable to keep helping them. They asked me a year ago and I did it and now when it expires, they keep having me call because they moved to another country and it is long distance.

It seems annoying because you can purchase a prepaid long distance card for stuff like that. When it comes to family.. My brother and sister-in-law constantly ask my boyfriend for favors because he has a trailer and his handing, moving things and cutting trees.

Which I think is a selfish excuse for not reciprocating. What are your thoughts with family and favors?

So if this is truly a one-sided situation, you should end it now. They should respect and understand those boundaries, period. These parents are most likely going without a lot of sleep and coming off years of very little sleep if they have a young child who is still on a nap schedule.

If they are unwilling to help with OTHER things that do work for their schedule then yes, you have a reason to be upset. I followed all the appropriate considerations mentioned above.

The request was to an old colleague and friend from our early real estate career. He met my sister then and we used to go skiing when we worked together!

He also sold my condo 8 yrs. The request was simple if he would be willing to contact my younger sister who is considering to change careers and would like to get his take on the real estate industry and ask the pros and cons selling high end houses.

He said he would. I do not understand why a small kindness that would take no more than 30 minutes has gone undone. Thank you.

Has your sister reached out to him? I on the other hand enjoy being asked because I like feeling that others trust me and do not feel afraid to ask.

It makes me feel good about myself. I think it is a sign of cowardice. In my view, one always has a right to ask, and one always has a right to say no.

So read what you wrote as I am having a problem with a family member constantly asking for favors. I dont mind helping i really dont.

But this person ask for favors quite often. They range from can you take my dog to the vet and pay for it. Can you pick up some groceries for me and bring them over, and can i burrow some money.

Unfortunately most of the favors always seem to be around money for them. I know their living situation isnt ideal but its not bad either.

And these favors i wouldnt classify as and emergency either. For instance the vet visits are just for a check up for the dog and to get their toenails clipped.

I even asked them have you tried to reschedule so the vet visits dont happen while your at work? Or for the groceries i asked if they could pick them up on their way home and they tell me its out of the way.

Now they also always tell me i have the option to say no but the moment i tell them i cant they always say a small comment like so your not willing to help family or fine ill take time off and loose money then.

Then when I ask for a favor they always seem to have a reason to say no. Which after they do i just let it go as I dont like to start fights.

Now they have never paid me back on the money i loaned or spent and ive never tried to bring it up. So is it fine to say you know No more?

If so how should i go about it cause i always seem to end up doing it one way or another as if i dont it always comes off with me being selfish and ungrateful.

I enjoyed reading your article it was very insightful. But i have a general question. I have some friends that ask for favors daily every week.

Got no problem helping and majority of the time they are kind and courteous. But my question is, Would that be a little excessive to ask for favors everyday all week long?

Or as long as both the helper and Helpee are good its ok? Is that friend in over their head? Do they need financial help? Do they need help setting up a schedule?

There may be a root cause you could help with. I grew up in a community where people often helped each other with babysitting, rides, etc on a regular basis and everyone seemed just fine with it.

If you are, then it sounds like you have a good friend and vice verse. She is constantly asking me for favours. The best solution is to stop doing the favors, period.

I would like to ask my neighbours to peak in on my cat over the holidays for a week. I will offer to pay. What is the best way to ask someone a favour upon a first official meeting?

Then perhaps close with an offer to connect for coffee or a meal at your house after the holidays? In retrospect I wish that I had exercised better etiquette and introduced myself properly upon arrival.

I will reach out to them on a more personal level after the holidays. I am a veterinarian and this also means I get a lot of questions from acquaintainces who try to solicit professional advice from me for free.

How do I handle future questions if despite my recommendation to ask through the app, people are still approaching me for free advice? What can I say without offending them, keeping in mind that it took years of expensive training and hard earned skills to become a veterinarian while still being loaded with enormous student debt?

Your advice would be greatly appreciated! I have a relative who just seems unable to ask for favors. I personally find this offensive. While I still help her out when I can doing so leaves me feeling used and resentful of her.

In some respects I feel sorry for her. Recently, an older, but independent neighbour asked for another favour, quite persistently, chasing us.

We were flabbergasted, particularly as this came on a very stressful week for us personally. My parents always told me that if someone is kind enough to do you a favour, they do it on their terms, so we thought the letter was very rude.

Another couple who we were very friendly with, but hardly see now, asked my other half to do some electrical work for them, which took a couple of days.

I think we are learning that we need to stop doing favours for people! Example: I agreed to help a friend by storing some of their things at my place while they get settled and find their own after the moved from the other side of the country.

I agreed, thinking nothing of it. Friend gets rooms cheaper than rent and has no need to worry about the safety of his things.

I would sit them down and be honest and say that you were happy to hold things for a while, but that you need your space back.

A nicer alternative to putting things out in a box…. What do I do if I have asked someone for a favor very politely and they simply ignore the request?

This is a topic that is near to my heart… Many thanks! Where aare your contact details though? How would you go about this?

This is tough, I was going to ask if she knew any directors who were casting projects. Because I was from out of town, she introduced me and one of her best friends, B, to a nice woman, C, who was living in town to offer us a place to stay while in New York.

We ended up having a good time together and I felt that all of us became good friends. After getting married, A then moved to New York.

A few months later, I was planning on another trip to New York. I contacted both A and C to see if we can meet up. I am completely okay with that arrangement.

That same day in the evening, all of the sudden I received contact from B, telling me that A was extremely upset and disappointed that I did not consult her in advance that I was going to ask C if I could stay at her place.

Afterwards A sent me a long text after I had sent a text to her apologizing for whatever it was I did to upset her saying that it was a serious manner faux pas and it was unacceptable that I had just bypassed the proper communication way.

Was there a line that I accidentally crossed here? Any advice on the next steps I should take? Your only issue here is with C. Does she feel put out or offended by your request?

And why was B involved in the first place? Sorry :. Hi Grace! So felt compelled to chime in after all these years. Recently connected with someone I was friends with in past.

They are in same industry and jumpstarted their business few years prior. They contacted me to ask if I could show support for it and spread word.

I did — made purchases and shared with my friends who are now clients of theirs. I finally got my own business off the ground and asked if they could be so kind as to reciprocate and share word on mine to friends of theirs.

I get silence and suddenly ignored. I would give them the chance to explain before assuming anything. Hello ou there I have a question please.

Here is my question of option please. Please reply what do you think I already e mailed them in regards to this, I think I should call on the phone.

Ps she just asked me today did I buy the book yet on line.? Thank you pls reply. We let them stay at our place when we were not there because the place they rented out could only let them rent for two months they stay on vacation for around 6 months.

Everything was good with our place except for a broken plate with I had trouble replacing but found soon after. By the way they are up there in age.

What should I do. My husband is upset with this. That is a great tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere.

Simple but very precise info… Thanks for sharing this one. A must read article! An acquaintance single who is vaguely aware that things are rough sent me an email asking me to please let him know if there is anything I need.

How long do you wait for someone to say yes or no to your ask? What do you do if someone offers help, then disappears when you ask for something as simple as a cup of coffee together?

So I needed a drive to a medical appointment and a co-worker offered to take me. She would not accept money for gas because she said she had planned on going anyways.

She also did not have time for lunch. So how do I repay her? I am part of a hobby group consisting of 7 people. There are 3 newer ones but of them, 2 are neighbours who have known each other for years and come to the group together.

Last year, one of the neighbours, Joanne, had an accident that left her incapacitated for a few months. As Joanne was slowly getting better and doing more of her normal routines still not coming to the group yet , we became aware of the dependence her neighbour, Pauline, has on her.

Likewise, when they started at our group, Joanne would also drive herself and Pauline here. She would grumble that there was no-one to take her grocery shopping as Joanne was taken by one of her relatives.

When Joanne could do more for herself, she took herself grocery shopping at a different time to she normally did but did not offer to take Pauline.

Plus, Joanne was still recuperating and could only do so much herself anyway. Before Joanne was beginning to use her car again, Pauline was concerned about how they were both going to get there approximately 30 minute drive south east from their home , plus Joanne was using a wheelchair whenever her relative took her grocery shopping.

My son is disabled and I drive him around in his wheelchair accessible vehicle, so I made the offer that as Joanne needed use of a wheelchair, I could take her and Pauline as she lived just over the road from Joanne.

My trip to the event was also 30 minutes south east from my home same direction, different road and I was collecting Jasmine en-route as she lived a 4 minute drive east of me.

I was also originally going to go in my own, smaller car, but since I then offered to collect Joanne and Pauline, I had a 4 min drive east to collect Jasmine, 3 min drive west back to the main road to collect Joanne and Pauline who live 9 minute drive south of my home to then drive the 30 minute south east to the event.

And the reverse on the return journey. Now, I did offer and I never complained about this. All good. It may not even start! Pauline asked if I was still collecting them.

This took me by surprise! She actually mumbled that twice! She just said oh right, ok. Later that week, Jasmine called me as she was reading me a recipe she had to find on an item we were previously talking about.

I said there was just myself, Rachel and Pauline and it was fine. She pressed asking if it was at all eventful. I had the feeling she knew something, so mentioned what happened above.

I said it sounded like she already knew something and asked how so. Apparently, Pauline had called Sally saying that Sally would have to take her and Joanne to the event as I refused to!

Last year Sally just took Rachel. Her car is so tiny that people would struggle getting in the back especially as none of us is very young! Both Sally and Jasmine knew there was more to this telling of the story that they were hearing but at least now Jasmine knew the truth!

She even said to me that Pauline is the kind of person, who, even when a solution my compromise is presented to her, she still sees it as an obstacle.

The last time the group met, it was attended by myself, Jasmine, Rachel and Pauline. I then reiterated that if Joanne were to drive them to my house, I would take them from there.

Jasmine agreed that was a reasonable offer and Pauline mumbled her agreement. It was kind of you to get them last year because you had a wheelchair-friendly vehicle.

Can Pauline find public transport to these places? If not, maybe this social group should designate a central location where people who need a ride can meet to be picked up?

Or next year possibly picking places that are accessible by public transport? I love your article and I share the same feelings towards the basic etiquette when asking for favors.

Since her order was a little special, I double checked the receipt to make sure that the order was correct, which it was.

But when I got home, we found out that the order was wrong and my friend got angry so I offered to go back to the restaurant to get it fixed.

I have a friend who asks for favors quite often. Would you please give me a few pointers about how to tactfully deal with this?

I think directness is best here. My boyfriend and I are having a bit of an argument about being the helper, and how you should respond when accepting to help.

We have always been very cordial and willing to help one another, if at all possible. In this particular instance the co-worker did agree to help, but made it off-handedly known [over text message] that they had to negotiate with their other job to get it done for me.

I was always taught that information like that is impertinent if you know you can and agree to help; since it can be read as intentionally trying to make someone feel bad for the inconvenience.

He disagreed. Is this response ungracious, or, is it actually still permissible to accept but let the asker know the circumstances were difficult?

I really appreciate it. I wanted to follow up about one thing: I saw your text about needing to negotiate with your other job i wondered if this shift had been an inconvenience?

This time it felt like the statement they said was specifically asking for it. I would have felt bad not saying it because I was fully aware of the inconvenience— therefore in my mind making the statement impolite.

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. My question is whether this response by the co-worker in and of itself, regardless of situation or platform on which the favor is asked is impolite when accepting to help.

He deems disclosing the inconvenience when accepting to help neither here nor there; while I would deem disclosing the inconvenience as bad manners.

Which one is the proper etiquette? In addition, would the tone of the co-worker make a difference in this case? Hello Grace, Is it rude to not return a phone call when you know they are just calling to ask you to work for them?

I used to work for someone part-time, until my full time position became more demanding and my father needed care for his cancer.

She called after I quit to ask me to work, and I explained again my situation and said no. She just left another message, and while I know I can say no, can I just take the easy way out and not call her back?

Thank you! Can you email her instead? That way if she calls again, you can let it go. My husband and I met someone that knows the right people to help us get our product into a space to sell.

We have been trying to get into for years but with little success. We carry his persons product in our store, however the product we want him to help us with has nothing to do with his.

We would need his help to convince the people of this space to sell our product. He had our product and has commented how good it is.

How do I ask him this favor to help us? If this is a friend, it may not be worth asking for that sort of favor, because it could affect the friendship.

Because for someone to put their word on the line for your product is indeed a service. That is my suggestion, since bringing business into friendship and asking for a big favor can muddy the relationship.

Hello Grace My cousins and I were waiting in line at Ikea cafe the other day to buy ourselves soft cone ice creams. The line was long as usual and we waited for almost half an hour for our turns.

But that person refused with harsh replies. I immediately asked my cousin who was paying at that time to help him. So my cousin asked the cashier for two more soft cone ice creams.

Instead we got bashed by the cashier. My question, is it really wrong to help someone in need? This is a tough one. What did they say?

We were classmates in 11 and 12 grade but hardly had any conversation in class 55 students. I gave up my job in following some family issues and now in want a job but finding it impossible after a long gap of 6 years.

This classmate now is the MD of a big company 0wned by his father. Provide a very brief explanation of your background a description of your last 1 — 3 jobs , your ideal job, and a list of 3 — 5 companies you would love to work for.

After this, explain what specifically you are looking for from your family and friends, whether it is alerts on job openings, an informational interview , or something else.

Conclude with a thank you to express your gratitude and appreciation. In your signature , include contact information; even if they are friend and family who know your contact information, it is still useful to include this.

Here are example of letters and email messages requesting assistance with a job search. I hope all is well! I am currently looking to relocate to Washington, D.

If you hear of any open positions in marketing particularly within the nonprofit sector or can think of any contacts you might be able to put me in touch with, I'd greatly appreciate hearing from you.

Thank you so much for all the leads and advice you have sent me so far as I look for a new marketing job in Washington, D.

I just wanted to let you all know I am still looking for a job opportunity, so if you hear of any open positions, or can think of any contacts you might be able to put me in touch with, I'd greatly appreciate hearing about them.

I've attached my resume once more; I'd appreciate it if you could show it to any contacts you have in the industry.

I hope you are doing well! It was so nice to see you and Uncle Jim at the Christmas party last month. I am currently looking for a mid-level job in marketing, specifically within the non-profit sector.

Do you think you would be able to put us in touch? I would love to ask him for an informational interview. Keep it short. Give them background on your skills and work history as well as details on the type of job you want.

And, while it's OK to follow up, be patient, and don't send endless letters. The Balance Careers uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience.

By using The Balance Careers, you accept our.

Asking Her Friends Dad For A Ride Video

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Chances are you already know whether this can be a constructive conversation or not depending on how well you know the parent, but if there is a time for a calm, rationale back and forth, now would be the time to do it.

Hopefully you can get a clearer idea of why they might feel this way, and what you could do to help alleviate their concerns. This is entirely up to you.

This is so sexist and evil, Stop doing this!! That is so disrespectful to the mother. The mother is the most important parent to a girl. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

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