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Rose showed up two hours late with a bottle of wine and asked me what was wrong. I was visibly anxious, pacing back and forth and checking my phone every five seconds as I hadn't yet heard from Marika.

Rose was amused by the whole scene but told me to get over it. About an hour later, a beautiful message surfaced out of the vast sea of rejection and confusion.

Her name was Daphnee. I'm at a house party right now but I can meet you guys there in like an hour. We hopped in some guy's Uber jeep and sped over to the club.

He dropped us in a part of town near a church with homeless people passed out in front of it. We followed the sound of cheap techno into the soft glow of the club's lobby, then walked past a group of disgruntled couples lining the wall and up to the reception desk.

A stressed-out bald guy with glasses in a vertical-striped dress shirt waved his hands annoyed at us, and told us it was at capacity.

After telling him we had emailed the owner, he scrolled through his iPhone as a candle in a jar flickered beside him, then reluctantly waved us through.

What followed was a sad and confusing assault on the senses. The club, about the size of a backyard swimming pool, was packed wall-to-wall with year-olds twitching awkwardly to obnoxious techno music.

Middle-aged blonde women danced in cages, twisting side to side with dead eyes and botoxed foreheads. It smelled like department store perfume and old clothes.

I wondered if this is what hell was like. There was a visible shift when we walked in the room. A sea of gray hair turned to stare at us, like balding vampires they had sensed our youth and life.

A year-old man in a Hawaiian T-shirt and fogged-up glasses turned and grinned at us, gyrating his hips like a geriatric Steve Urkel.

These weren't married couples rekindling the excitement—these were people trying to complete their bucket list right before they kicked the bucket.

In the far back you could make out silhouettes writhing on each other, like some kind of erotic silent film behind a wall of dimly lit beads.

It felt like we had just walked into a retirement home where someone had spiked the punch with ecstasy.

We stood there, stunned for a second, and went to the bar to silently get a drink. The bartender, a middle-aged woman with fake everything, told Rose matter-of-factly that if she showed her tits, she got a free drink.

Rose was already taking off her shirt before the bartender had finished, and handed me her beer so she could put it back on. Rose stood there reluctantly as the only girl in the whole room with her tits out, holding her beer and waiting for the obnoxious Calvin Harris remix to finish.

The couple beside us—a golf dad with wispy grey hair and his heavy-set wife—had caught our scent and were chattering and cooing in our direction.

We escaped back to the dance floor before they could talk to us about Facebook and tried to get lost in the music, or something.

We were quickly surrounded by more men in Hawaiian shirts and women stuffed into tiny kinky outfits. Neon lasers from the DJ booth glanced off their leathery skin as the men slowly converged on Rose.

She was the youngest woman in there by at least 15 years. We shuffled from side to side in wide-eyed fear as we felt them surrounding us like a slow-moving school of jellyfish.

We then beelined it towards the back room, clutching each other and our beers. The stressed-out front desk guy was now serving as back-room bouncer, and told us we had to finish our beers before going in.

We knocked them back, got a nod from the bouncer, parted the beads, and walked in holding our breaths. We saw eight or so beds, at different heights and sizes, placed around the room.

Naked and half-naked bodies were fucking like rabbits. The room had a puke-orange glow from these weird floating easter-egg lamps on the side.

A soft chorus of smacking lips, genitals, and moans drifted towards us. They also will let you know the exact prices for each night. Of course like most swingers clubs around the world they are all looking for wife swapping couples, so if a guy shows up solo he either will have to pay extra to get in or not be allowed entry.

If you are thinking of going alone definitely check to make sure the swingers club will allow you in. Many will have some nights where anyone can go, and then certain nights for couples only.

If in doubt contact them and find out what their policy is. And if going solo try to dress up a bit and look your best.

Even if an echangiste club in Quebec says they will allow single men in they may not let every guy in, so try to look like someone who belongs.

Or if you need some kinky toys to improve your home bedroom scene check out this link. You can definitely have a lot of fun at the above listed Montreal sex clubs but they are just the tip of the ice berg.

That is where networking comes into play. Any time you are at a swingers club you need to look your best and try to behave with decorum.

Be the type of guy or couple that other couples will want to swing with. Show that you know how the group sex game is played and try to network.

The premises are much less spectacular than they are described on the web. Before I visited clubs organized in houses.

They were given much better care. In Celeste all the rooms looked quite shitty and disordered. The fee they collect would be enough to renovate maintain the place.

If I was lucky to get somebody there, I confess, I could be hesitant to lay my body on those bed surfaces.

I will not come again to this specific club. I do not know about the quality of other clubs in Montreal, as I am new here. It sucks that you had such a bad time in Montreal.

Sadly, with the closure of Sauna , we have very few sex clubs. Keep in mind, however, that theirs is an open-concept sex club with no private spaces.

Fortunately, the crowd is not all white we like variety. Is it worth a single 40 year old guy in good shape going to the club?

Great blog! In I went to the Celeste and i liked it, but now is close it. My wife and I are looking for a place with some private rooms or even better a room that gives the option to allow others to watch.

Is there a club in Montreal with such an option? Emmanuelle — what a breath of fresh air. Is dress code fairly smart on a Friday? And one final question, what is the house party scene like in general?

Mid 40s couple here, looking for first visit to a swingers club. It would be very exciting to watch, but no, my wife is not interested in being in one.

My husband and I are planning a trip to Montreal. Thank you for your help! My girlfriend Janessa loves dancing and this sounds like the right place for us to dance and perhaps more….

Any new updates on the Swinger Scene in Montreal? I will be in town with a group of couples from Medellin, Colombia. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

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